yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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