Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
