rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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