Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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