How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
