Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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