It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
