I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
