I CAN MOONWALK!
i just had sex bonerless
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
