hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
