the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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