After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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