Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize