Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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