u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
