umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
