I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
