we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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