Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
