told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
