You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
