she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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