So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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