We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
