I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
