This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
