Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
