I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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