On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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