I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
