If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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