My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sext me about skeletons
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
