I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
