went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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