i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also, beer. Big fan.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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