shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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