Someone shit on the floor
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
