I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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