you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Never underestimate the power of titties
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
