i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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