Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
