Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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