I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
