so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
