I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i've created a new STD.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
