There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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