who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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