Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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