he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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