so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
