We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
