btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I love you. Go after that dick
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
