I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
