Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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