is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
