i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
