Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
