i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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