now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
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once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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