don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
