I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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