This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
