i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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