i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
