why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just had sex bonerless
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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