On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
