New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
