Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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