Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
