just come out here and I will go home with you...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
