Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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