How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just forgot I was standing up.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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