Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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