i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
