Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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