bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
