so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Everyone says I win the strip club
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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