I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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