he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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