My nipple is on Facebook.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
