guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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