The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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