Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
