Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
my poor anus
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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