I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
