Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
