True but thats because hes a fetus.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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